Holy cow. I has not posted in, how you say, many a day.
New to ze world? Not a whole lot. Except,
I'M A GODMOTHER!!! Woo! My little Goddaughter, Leroy, was born September 17th and is pretty much the most amazing tiny human ever made. (In my terribly biased opinion, and not including the many other "nieces" and "nephews" I have already acquired.) She is all kinds of adorable, makes hilarious faces, and occasionally holds her hands as if she's planning something diabolical (Think Mr. Burns) which, to be fair, she probably is. (Surprise: Poop.) So I've been joygasming all over that, because it's awesome. Billie and baby are doing spectacularly, which pleases me.
Also in my werllld....
Shepherd & Tyke got hitched September 8th in Tyke's hometown in Iowa. There was a zombie themed reception, which I, as one of the bridesmaids, was ever to privileged to take part in. An added bonus of the merry nuptials was getting to see my two missing friends who flew in for the occasion (from ofuckinghio and Senegal, respectively) and we all had a merry time.
On a sad note, a week before the wedding, my Grandpa (my mom's Stepfather, but the only Grandfather I've ever known on her side) passed away at the age of 91. He had had alzheimers for the past 10 years and was living in a veteran's retirement home. But the only good to come out of it, is he is no longer suffering and has gone to a better place.
Another sad development, is that a good friend of mine from high school was recently diagnosed with Acute B Lymphoblastic Leukemia (B-ALL). He's been hospitalized for the remainder of the year (pretty much, anyway) and is undergoing chemo & radiation. He's a fantastic human being, and it saddens me to see him so ill. We are doing our best to keep him in good spirits and praying for his recovery. He remains pretty cheerful, and it's always good to see a smile on his face, even during the times it must be difficult to do so. But, we shoulder on, and hope and pray for the very best outcome: Full Remission!
But life goes on, and merrily as can be. The fall weather has been gorgeous of late, which is wonderful. And my pretty much favorite holiday, Halloween, approaches, and, if I'd read my schedule at work correctly, I will be off to celebrate it! Yay!
Better than that, now that Billie has been de-babied (that's a thing, right?) we will be celebrating All Hallow's eve in style! A fine end to fall with a fabulous friend. The world is looking up.
Until next time, my ferocious followers (mmmm... Alliteration..)
I remain faithfully yours,
----Alamo
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
WTPJ
WTPJ. The mini-post I hinted at in my previous entry.
WTPJ stands for Werewolf Tranny Polio Jesus. And it is a painting that shepherd made me. Not because it's a subject that we love and respect, but because we are both fans of the website Ugliest Tattoos and WTPJ is an infamous posting of someone's creepy back tattoo. Being tattooed and also girls, we quite enjoy looking at the trainwrecks other people choose to adorn their bodies with. And this one was just a winner. I recommend googling WTPJ (or just clicking the link I've handily provided for you) to see the horror of the inspiration for the painting she made me. Painting is basically a full-length portrait of WTPJ along with a sweet three wolf moon-esque background. It's hideous. and I adore it. ANYWAY
that's all I have to say about that.
--alamo
WTPJ stands for Werewolf Tranny Polio Jesus. And it is a painting that shepherd made me. Not because it's a subject that we love and respect, but because we are both fans of the website Ugliest Tattoos and WTPJ is an infamous posting of someone's creepy back tattoo. Being tattooed and also girls, we quite enjoy looking at the trainwrecks other people choose to adorn their bodies with. And this one was just a winner. I recommend googling WTPJ (or just clicking the link I've handily provided for you) to see the horror of the inspiration for the painting she made me. Painting is basically a full-length portrait of WTPJ along with a sweet three wolf moon-esque background. It's hideous. and I adore it. ANYWAY
that's all I have to say about that.
--alamo
Adventures in Decorating (And other failed attempts at being a grown-up.)
So, the roomie (Quickie) and I have been in a lets-clean-our-hideously-filthy-apartment kind of mood lately. And so, we did that. Well, kind of. The three worst offenders were the living room, the kitchen, and my bedroom. (No lie, it is thoroughly impressive how little cleaning either of us likes to do.) But every once and a while, something snaps in us, and we just have to DO SOMETHING. So we started in the living room. Quickie asked me how I felt about us cleaning it up (and i was like, Meh.) so we decided to tackle it literally one corner at a time. I am captain A.D.D.-pants, however, so I ended up daydreaming about re-arranging the furniture and arranging the wall art in a more classy way. (Less like we had painted the walls with adhesive and just thrown things at them, leaving what stuck.. Which is kind of what it looked like before.) And I still had boxes of decor from when I moved in (Last august...) so figured, since I'm signing the lease for another year, might as well move in. So, I went to work on a tuesday and came home to a miraculously clean and tidy living room with the furniture re-arranged as per my specifications. Loooove it! Mike worked his butt off while I helped shove crap in trash bags and closets. Teamwork! I later rearranged things a little bit, moving my shabby-chic by accident yellow bookcase out from the corner (since chipped paint is in, might as well flaunt that bitch) and centering (as much as possible) the t.v./video game center. (My ocd was ticking.) So the crap was in the trash where it belonged, the furniture was moved to its new home, now we had... A hideously stained carpet and broken blinds plus awful wall art to deal with. Hmm... So, on a random kick, I spent an all-nighter re-arranging lots of crap. Took all my shenanigans off the walls and replaced them with slightly less ridiculous things. (Except WTPJ... More to come on that at a later date.)
NEW PARAGRAPH
So I took down most of my wall art and began moving it around to try and class the joint up a bit. (Note: Any time I say wall-art, just keep in mind that that means band posters, anime drawings, wal-mart finds and a couple of painted canvasses by my bestie/former roommate Shepherd. This is not the Louvre.) So, now on the west wall, we have all the monster-type posters: How to survive a zombie attack, WTPJ (I promise, I will literally post right after this to explain the horror those four letters evoke) and my Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter poster. (I hear the movie was terrible, but I adored the book and the poster is bitchen, so it stays.) The northern wall contains a window, a lamp, a huge samurai sword (No, really) and a Boondock Saints poster. (Classy.) The southern wall is my animation/random wall: A tin wall hanging thing with a black cat on it (someone gave it to me, I have a black cat. meh.) My sweet-ass batman clock, my small painted canvas from Shepherd (for hanukkah 2 years ago) of Toki from Metalocalypse, a Naruto poster, and another rendering from shepherd (and yet another hanukkah gift) depicting Kakashi Sensei from Naruto wearing a yarmulke and reclining on a chaise (shirtless, natch) whilst enjoying some challah & manishevitz. (Again, yes, really.) It's labelled Kosher Kakashi. We're a little weird. (I know, shocking, since I come off as SO NORMAL.) Oh, and last but not least, the eastern wall contains 3 Beatles posters because of reasons.
MOVING ON
We went to wal-mart to purchase some fine home furnishings to complete our den of debauchery. For the hideously stained carpet, a black rug (ingrained with skull & crossbones pattern). For the couch of awful-ness, a new king-size blanket in a color that almost matches. (to cover the threadbare seats and holes in the back cushions.) For the broken blinds, well, not much could be done. So we took them down and hung up my version of a classy window covering: A spring-loaded curtain rod, clear rings & a fabric shower curtain. (It looks better than it sounds.) Then, to round out the room and make up for the fact that we're sparse on seating, a new black cube/ottoman thing. Not exactly chic & grown up, but a VAST improvement.
Then, I tackled my bedroom. Now, it's still not done, but I now have a floor. (MOTHER OF GOD.) Basically, my room was pretty easy. I went through the boxes of bullshit from my last apartment that were still stacked in it, threw away most of it, and shoved the rest in my closets in an organized manner. Then, I rearranged my furniture (by turning my bed 90 degrees and taking my nightstand out to the living room to make an endtable and moving my little dresser over to be my new nightstand) and made my bed with my temporary sheets. (I say temporary because I have no intention of using $7 wal-mart sheets longterm.) Then, TO THE INTERNET FOR NEW STUFF! I bought a new comforter, new sheets from macy's, and a curtain to replace the blinds in my window. Hopefully that has all been shipped to my parent's house and I can bring it all home tonight when I go to do laundry. Shveet!
I will probably take pictures of everything and upload at a later date. As for the 3rd room on our list of projects, the kitchen is still disturbing. Because we both hate it a lot. And my dishwasher sucks and I'll be damned if I want to wash dishes by hand. So right now, we're on strike about the kitchen, but I think we'll tackle it this week, because it has to happen. Sooo bad. And the dining room, which was formerly not that bad, has turned into the catch-all for the stuff we wanted out of the living room, but still needed to do something with, so for now, it's a crap heap. We'll tackle it later... Probably.
Welp, that's all for now. I have to go write a post about WTPJ and then go to my 'rents for laundry day. Much love, non-readers.
---Alamo
NEW PARAGRAPH
So I took down most of my wall art and began moving it around to try and class the joint up a bit. (Note: Any time I say wall-art, just keep in mind that that means band posters, anime drawings, wal-mart finds and a couple of painted canvasses by my bestie/former roommate Shepherd. This is not the Louvre.) So, now on the west wall, we have all the monster-type posters: How to survive a zombie attack, WTPJ (I promise, I will literally post right after this to explain the horror those four letters evoke) and my Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter poster. (I hear the movie was terrible, but I adored the book and the poster is bitchen, so it stays.) The northern wall contains a window, a lamp, a huge samurai sword (No, really) and a Boondock Saints poster. (Classy.) The southern wall is my animation/random wall: A tin wall hanging thing with a black cat on it (someone gave it to me, I have a black cat. meh.) My sweet-ass batman clock, my small painted canvas from Shepherd (for hanukkah 2 years ago) of Toki from Metalocalypse, a Naruto poster, and another rendering from shepherd (and yet another hanukkah gift) depicting Kakashi Sensei from Naruto wearing a yarmulke and reclining on a chaise (shirtless, natch) whilst enjoying some challah & manishevitz. (Again, yes, really.) It's labelled Kosher Kakashi. We're a little weird. (I know, shocking, since I come off as SO NORMAL.) Oh, and last but not least, the eastern wall contains 3 Beatles posters because of reasons.
MOVING ON
We went to wal-mart to purchase some fine home furnishings to complete our den of debauchery. For the hideously stained carpet, a black rug (ingrained with skull & crossbones pattern). For the couch of awful-ness, a new king-size blanket in a color that almost matches. (to cover the threadbare seats and holes in the back cushions.) For the broken blinds, well, not much could be done. So we took them down and hung up my version of a classy window covering: A spring-loaded curtain rod, clear rings & a fabric shower curtain. (It looks better than it sounds.) Then, to round out the room and make up for the fact that we're sparse on seating, a new black cube/ottoman thing. Not exactly chic & grown up, but a VAST improvement.
Then, I tackled my bedroom. Now, it's still not done, but I now have a floor. (MOTHER OF GOD.) Basically, my room was pretty easy. I went through the boxes of bullshit from my last apartment that were still stacked in it, threw away most of it, and shoved the rest in my closets in an organized manner. Then, I rearranged my furniture (by turning my bed 90 degrees and taking my nightstand out to the living room to make an endtable and moving my little dresser over to be my new nightstand) and made my bed with my temporary sheets. (I say temporary because I have no intention of using $7 wal-mart sheets longterm.) Then, TO THE INTERNET FOR NEW STUFF! I bought a new comforter, new sheets from macy's, and a curtain to replace the blinds in my window. Hopefully that has all been shipped to my parent's house and I can bring it all home tonight when I go to do laundry. Shveet!
I will probably take pictures of everything and upload at a later date. As for the 3rd room on our list of projects, the kitchen is still disturbing. Because we both hate it a lot. And my dishwasher sucks and I'll be damned if I want to wash dishes by hand. So right now, we're on strike about the kitchen, but I think we'll tackle it this week, because it has to happen. Sooo bad. And the dining room, which was formerly not that bad, has turned into the catch-all for the stuff we wanted out of the living room, but still needed to do something with, so for now, it's a crap heap. We'll tackle it later... Probably.
Welp, that's all for now. I have to go write a post about WTPJ and then go to my 'rents for laundry day. Much love, non-readers.
---Alamo
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Behold the Horror
So, since my last posting, many more things have happened.
The obviously good is that my friend Billie has been to the baby making doctor (that's a thing, right?) and my little god child is a beautiful and healthy GIRL and will be coming in late September! Yay! (I was holding out for a velociraptor, but you know what they say about making plans... That you probably should not make plans... or... something. I'm bad at these things.) Little Leroy is safe and healthy and feisty and was pretty much the coolest thing I've seen in a doctor's office ever. So needless to say, I'm very excited for that.
In other good news, I'm in a wedding in September for my childhood best friend and former roommate Shepherd and her boyfriend (well, fiance, now) Tyke. So muchos congratulationadores to them as well!
Playing catch-up, my oldy-sixth birthday came and went. I fell out of a (very slowly) moving car, got extraordinarily intoxicated and got to see many of my peoples. Also, there was hummus and falafel. Good times.
In frustrating news, my beloved vehicle Leopole has been having radiator issues and I've just had the radiator replaced. And then, due to the improved pressure in the radiator, the radiator hose sprung about 4 leaks. Sigh. A trip to the auto parts store is in my future if I want to continue to be able to use my car. Thank god for heat shrink and duct tape and my fantastical roomie Quickie. A true life-saver and all around fantastical person, that boy is.
But, there is much to look forward to this fall, what with the impending tyke-shepster stravaganza and the emergence of the leroy-ciraptor. And, as if that weren't enough awesomeness, my friend Jimitri will be travelling home from Senegal to attend the wedding! I haven't seen him in 15 months, as he's been with the peace corps in Senegal since march '11. And I miss him horribly. So I'm ridiculously excited to see him. (And feed him cheeseburgers. And limes. Scurvy, man. Scurvy.)
But in the most recent downturn of events, in replaying my oh-so-beloved LoZ:TP, I fell victim to a horrible error in saving decisions and got stuck in the sky cannon room glitch. Sigh. (Real noise made: NERDRAGERANTSCREECHHHHHHH!!!!!!!) Essentially, in English, what that means is, I was in this part of the game with a sky cannon in it. A room, if you will. And in the early versions of this game, if you save while in this room, before talking to a certain guy, you will get stuck in this room. FOR-EV-ER. And that wouldn't be the worst thing ever, except that it's a room that you get to at about 4/5ths of the way through the whole game. And I was playing a completion round. So All my sidequests that I worked my tail off on? Gone. The awful king bulbin fights and the damned wagon ride run that I HATE DOING? I have to do them over. Because the only option now? Delete my game. It's a game, I get that. BUT I SPENT A LONG TIME ON IT. So this is disheartening, to say the least. To fall for one of the most classic blunders of all time! The first of which is: Never get involved in a land war in Asia. And only slightly less well known is to never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line. But only slightly less well known than that is this: NEVER, EVER SAVE YOUR GAME IN THE SKY CANNON ROOM WITHOUT TALKING TO SHAD FIRST. (Only slightly less well known than that is that the cake is a lie.) So needless to say, I'm a wee bit peeved. (NERDRANTRAGESCREECHHHHHHH!!!!!!!)
So, barring any more disasters, the rest of the year is shaping up nicely. Here's hoping for the best!
Peace & Crackers, folks.
--Alamo
The obviously good is that my friend Billie has been to the baby making doctor (that's a thing, right?) and my little god child is a beautiful and healthy GIRL and will be coming in late September! Yay! (I was holding out for a velociraptor, but you know what they say about making plans... That you probably should not make plans... or... something. I'm bad at these things.) Little Leroy is safe and healthy and feisty and was pretty much the coolest thing I've seen in a doctor's office ever. So needless to say, I'm very excited for that.
In other good news, I'm in a wedding in September for my childhood best friend and former roommate Shepherd and her boyfriend (well, fiance, now) Tyke. So muchos congratulationadores to them as well!
Playing catch-up, my oldy-sixth birthday came and went. I fell out of a (very slowly) moving car, got extraordinarily intoxicated and got to see many of my peoples. Also, there was hummus and falafel. Good times.
In frustrating news, my beloved vehicle Leopole has been having radiator issues and I've just had the radiator replaced. And then, due to the improved pressure in the radiator, the radiator hose sprung about 4 leaks. Sigh. A trip to the auto parts store is in my future if I want to continue to be able to use my car. Thank god for heat shrink and duct tape and my fantastical roomie Quickie. A true life-saver and all around fantastical person, that boy is.
But, there is much to look forward to this fall, what with the impending tyke-shepster stravaganza and the emergence of the leroy-ciraptor. And, as if that weren't enough awesomeness, my friend Jimitri will be travelling home from Senegal to attend the wedding! I haven't seen him in 15 months, as he's been with the peace corps in Senegal since march '11. And I miss him horribly. So I'm ridiculously excited to see him. (And feed him cheeseburgers. And limes. Scurvy, man. Scurvy.)
But in the most recent downturn of events, in replaying my oh-so-beloved LoZ:TP, I fell victim to a horrible error in saving decisions and got stuck in the sky cannon room glitch. Sigh. (Real noise made: NERDRAGERANTSCREECHHHHHHH!!!!!!!) Essentially, in English, what that means is, I was in this part of the game with a sky cannon in it. A room, if you will. And in the early versions of this game, if you save while in this room, before talking to a certain guy, you will get stuck in this room. FOR-EV-ER. And that wouldn't be the worst thing ever, except that it's a room that you get to at about 4/5ths of the way through the whole game. And I was playing a completion round. So All my sidequests that I worked my tail off on? Gone. The awful king bulbin fights and the damned wagon ride run that I HATE DOING? I have to do them over. Because the only option now? Delete my game. It's a game, I get that. BUT I SPENT A LONG TIME ON IT. So this is disheartening, to say the least. To fall for one of the most classic blunders of all time! The first of which is: Never get involved in a land war in Asia. And only slightly less well known is to never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line. But only slightly less well known than that is this: NEVER, EVER SAVE YOUR GAME IN THE SKY CANNON ROOM WITHOUT TALKING TO SHAD FIRST. (Only slightly less well known than that is that the cake is a lie.) So needless to say, I'm a wee bit peeved. (NERDRANTRAGESCREECHHHHHHH!!!!!!!)
So, barring any more disasters, the rest of the year is shaping up nicely. Here's hoping for the best!
Peace & Crackers, folks.
--Alamo
Monday, April 16, 2012
Holy Kawasaki...
So, it's been a ridiculously long time since I've updated. Many things have come to pass... Most notably, I got a new job! Holla! New job = semi-grown up job. Goodbye, little girls' accessories and retail shenanigans, hello data entry/call center gig. Meh. I dig it. Low-key environment, supportive coworkers, fast-paced, and bitchen benefits. I'm a happy panda. Gone are my underemployed woes, my complaints of face-to-face dealings with actual human people (shudder). Here is my new life in an office. Yeehaw! Happy girl is Happy! Best part is, new job is just 3 minutes away (2 stoplights or 4 blocks away from my apartment) so commute is nil. Looooove it. Plus, my insomnia can rage all it wants, because I don't have to be at work until mid-afternoon. Bring me all your laziness, brain. DO IT. Got some bills to pay off, but once I'm done with those, for the first time in my adult life, I can actually afford to save money. Holy shitballs. I'm like a grown up. Sweet crazysauce, we thought this day would never come. Never did I suspect I'd find a job which allowed me to both indulge my nerdiness (gaming and generally geeking to the maxx, yo) and also receive a steady paycheck for minimally difficult work. I'm not saying it's not work, it totally is, but it's super easy stuff that doesn't particularly crush my soul to do. And even if it did, it's paying me decently to do it. WIN. Retail = soul sucking evil for godawful pay; office gig = soul poking indifference + sweet moneyz & real, live benefits. Much more worth it.
Let's see... What else is shaking in Alamo's world....
Well, there's been a slight change in living arrangements. After 8 months of semi-cohabitation, Shepherd decided to move back in with her 'rents in our hometown (where her new bf lives) so I now have a new roommate in Quickie, Lulu's kinda-sorta boyfriend and our mutual former roomie. So far, so good. A fellow gamer nerd, so that's nice to have around. I can veg out on my sweet laptop McKinley (Nickname Mac. Since I couldn't afford a mac, I figured my Toshiba deserved hipster cred.) while he wiles away the hours playing Monster Hunter Tri on my wii, Kaiser Wiilhelm. (Have I mentioned I'm a namer? I am. I name everything... You, dear reader, are now named THOR. I hope you like it. No takebacks.) So that's interesting. Shep's new bf Tyke is a nice guy. We were all friends before they got together, so that's a bit weird for me sometimes, but I'm working on it. Stuff with Quickie is good. He makes a good roomie. If anything, I pity him as I am a mess monster with the cleaning habits of anti-cinderella. (Nega-rella?) It's like hoarders only more junk. (Ok, not QUITE that bad, but I'm admittedly a total slob. I make no excuses except for the fact that the internet is a thing and it ruins my intentions of being a productive human person. I'm working on that, too.) Why he agreed to live with me is questionable, but I'm happy to have him and constantly make mental notes to be a better roommate that then get lost in the horrible mess that lives inside my brain. See that? I've just lost the note to do the dishes in favor of a picture of a kitten with a funny caption. Oh, cats. You really ARE that funny.
Ahem. Moving on...
Also upcoming in my super fantastic crap filled lifeaganza, is my impending godmotherhood. One of my besties, Billie, is expecting a baby (But it might be a velociraptor) later this year and I am wicked stoked. Also, I have named said earthling-to-be Leroy, regardless of its eventual gender. Leroy is a lovely name. And I'm bigger than Leroy, so Leroy will take it and LIKE IT. (I did warn you that I was a namer...) So that's coming up. And it should be bitchen. And rad. And probably noisy and messy which means we are going to get along GREAT.
I think that marks the most important events of late. I'm employed, still a pig, and will have an infant to coddle in approximately 6 months. FTW. Life's been pretty good, lately. And, come 9 more days, I'm going to be a year older, or, as I like to think of it, ANCIENT AND DECREPIT which is fantastic. We have a weekend of debauchery and shenanigans planned with many of my favorite people in the whole wide world. I say many instead of all because 2 of my closest and dearest are far, far away (In Ofuckinghio and Senegal, Africa, respectively) and won't be able to join us for the occasion. But it'll be ok. We'll make do without and take pictures with cutouts of their faces. (We've done this before...) All said, I think I might actually be allright. You know... Until the zombies come... Then, I'm probably going to die because Carl couldn't stay in the fucking house.
Fucking Carl, man... Dick.
---Alamo
Let's see... What else is shaking in Alamo's world....
Well, there's been a slight change in living arrangements. After 8 months of semi-cohabitation, Shepherd decided to move back in with her 'rents in our hometown (where her new bf lives) so I now have a new roommate in Quickie, Lulu's kinda-sorta boyfriend and our mutual former roomie. So far, so good. A fellow gamer nerd, so that's nice to have around. I can veg out on my sweet laptop McKinley (Nickname Mac. Since I couldn't afford a mac, I figured my Toshiba deserved hipster cred.) while he wiles away the hours playing Monster Hunter Tri on my wii, Kaiser Wiilhelm. (Have I mentioned I'm a namer? I am. I name everything... You, dear reader, are now named THOR. I hope you like it. No takebacks.) So that's interesting. Shep's new bf Tyke is a nice guy. We were all friends before they got together, so that's a bit weird for me sometimes, but I'm working on it. Stuff with Quickie is good. He makes a good roomie. If anything, I pity him as I am a mess monster with the cleaning habits of anti-cinderella. (Nega-rella?) It's like hoarders only more junk. (Ok, not QUITE that bad, but I'm admittedly a total slob. I make no excuses except for the fact that the internet is a thing and it ruins my intentions of being a productive human person. I'm working on that, too.) Why he agreed to live with me is questionable, but I'm happy to have him and constantly make mental notes to be a better roommate that then get lost in the horrible mess that lives inside my brain. See that? I've just lost the note to do the dishes in favor of a picture of a kitten with a funny caption. Oh, cats. You really ARE that funny.
Ahem. Moving on...
Also upcoming in my super fantastic crap filled lifeaganza, is my impending godmotherhood. One of my besties, Billie, is expecting a baby (But it might be a velociraptor) later this year and I am wicked stoked. Also, I have named said earthling-to-be Leroy, regardless of its eventual gender. Leroy is a lovely name. And I'm bigger than Leroy, so Leroy will take it and LIKE IT. (I did warn you that I was a namer...) So that's coming up. And it should be bitchen. And rad. And probably noisy and messy which means we are going to get along GREAT.
I think that marks the most important events of late. I'm employed, still a pig, and will have an infant to coddle in approximately 6 months. FTW. Life's been pretty good, lately. And, come 9 more days, I'm going to be a year older, or, as I like to think of it, ANCIENT AND DECREPIT which is fantastic. We have a weekend of debauchery and shenanigans planned with many of my favorite people in the whole wide world. I say many instead of all because 2 of my closest and dearest are far, far away (In Ofuckinghio and Senegal, Africa, respectively) and won't be able to join us for the occasion. But it'll be ok. We'll make do without and take pictures with cutouts of their faces. (We've done this before...) All said, I think I might actually be allright. You know... Until the zombies come... Then, I'm probably going to die because Carl couldn't stay in the fucking house.
Fucking Carl, man... Dick.
---Alamo
Friday, March 9, 2012
Baby Crazy
I'm at that point in my life where it seems like all of my friends and family are getting married and having babies. Which is wonderful, really. I love my friends, I love my married friends' spouses (most of them are also my friends) and I love their loud, screaming, poopy adorable messes of children. (No, really.) But being around all the love and marriage and babies has apparently started to take its toll on me. For example: I am a terrible facebook friend. I probably only talk to about 15 people on my friends list. (Sometimes that includes my mom, not gonna lie.) Everyone else, it seems, is just a "Oh, yeah, I know you. Let's acknowledge that fact and then never speak of it again" kind of friend. Which is fine, I suppose. I'm kind of hermit-y IRL anyway, so why shouldn't that carry over into the interwebs? Problem being, I'm a major creeper. (You have noooooo idea.) Like, if we're the not talky kind of facebook friends, but you have kids? I'm creeping on your pictures. A lot. All the time. I will ooh and ah allll over them... Anonymously. I mean, hey, you put them up there. Not MY fault. But thanks. You've given me my cute factor for the day. I appreciate your offspring. And I do. They're precious. Really.
Worse still are the IRL friends kids. Oh man. Those kids. They slay me. Right now, my friend Billie has a 4 year old daughter that might just be the cutest thing ever brought forth unto the planet. She's epically awesome. I want to steal her. (Disclaimer: Not really. But she is afuckingdorable.) She calls me Aunt, she smells like shampoo & bananas and she's just an amazing child. Beyond that, I have a 6 year old "nephew", another 4 year old "niece", and several toddlers in my soon to be assembled unholy army. But if that weren't enough, my cousins are allll procreating, as well. (Again, I'm all for it.) From my first cousins ALONE, I have 1 girl cousin, and 9 boys, 3 of whom are under 2. Oh. Dear. God. If you've ever struggled from a lack of adorable toddlers in your life, come to a family reunion with our family. The cuteness cup runneth over.
I realize I'm setting this up to be a bad thing, and don't worry, the punchline is coming. Like, right now. All these damned adorable kids are kicking my baby-maker-brain cells into overdrive. I have become the baby obsessed woman I never wanted to be. I have baby dreams. I look at baby merchandise for CHILDREN I DON'T HAVE. I have picked out my future offspring's names like a bieber-obsessed tween. ("And this one will be Britney, and this one will be Demi, and this one will be Justin Junior...") *Shudder* It's just wrong. But the worst part? I CAN'T STOP. It's like baby mania has set up shop and won't leave until I damn well produce one. WTF. Some part of me knows it's my subconscious' doing. It's up there right now, plotting, and putting all these thoughts into my mind. "You know, if you were born in viking times, you'd have shoved out about 8 of these by now and probably died of plague. You better get to gettin'!" Thanks, subconscious. You're a dick.
I didn't realize 25 was an appropriate time for your biological clock to go into defcon 1 mode. But, when your friends start producing heirs in their teens, I guess it's only natural that your clock gets an early nudge. BUT STILL. I have cats, man. Cats. (They're like people, but furrier and more demanding.) I live in an apartment with a roommate. Not married, not dating, not financially sound. Why, oh why, does my brain think I need a baby? Grrrr... I'm not a rash decision maker, so it's not like I'm going to go out and have a baby just to have one. I'm not stupid. But I wish the damn clock had a snooze button. In the meantime, I guess I'll just continue raising my cats and treating them like children. (Not like they give me any other choice. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled.) Now, if only I could dress them up. Then I'd really have it all.
Until my next whim of insanity strikes,
I remain faithfully yours
---Alamo
Worse still are the IRL friends kids. Oh man. Those kids. They slay me. Right now, my friend Billie has a 4 year old daughter that might just be the cutest thing ever brought forth unto the planet. She's epically awesome. I want to steal her. (Disclaimer: Not really. But she is afuckingdorable.) She calls me Aunt, she smells like shampoo & bananas and she's just an amazing child. Beyond that, I have a 6 year old "nephew", another 4 year old "niece", and several toddlers in my soon to be assembled unholy army. But if that weren't enough, my cousins are allll procreating, as well. (Again, I'm all for it.) From my first cousins ALONE, I have 1 girl cousin, and 9 boys, 3 of whom are under 2. Oh. Dear. God. If you've ever struggled from a lack of adorable toddlers in your life, come to a family reunion with our family. The cuteness cup runneth over.
I realize I'm setting this up to be a bad thing, and don't worry, the punchline is coming. Like, right now. All these damned adorable kids are kicking my baby-maker-brain cells into overdrive. I have become the baby obsessed woman I never wanted to be. I have baby dreams. I look at baby merchandise for CHILDREN I DON'T HAVE. I have picked out my future offspring's names like a bieber-obsessed tween. ("And this one will be Britney, and this one will be Demi, and this one will be Justin Junior...") *Shudder* It's just wrong. But the worst part? I CAN'T STOP. It's like baby mania has set up shop and won't leave until I damn well produce one. WTF. Some part of me knows it's my subconscious' doing. It's up there right now, plotting, and putting all these thoughts into my mind. "You know, if you were born in viking times, you'd have shoved out about 8 of these by now and probably died of plague. You better get to gettin'!" Thanks, subconscious. You're a dick.
I didn't realize 25 was an appropriate time for your biological clock to go into defcon 1 mode. But, when your friends start producing heirs in their teens, I guess it's only natural that your clock gets an early nudge. BUT STILL. I have cats, man. Cats. (They're like people, but furrier and more demanding.) I live in an apartment with a roommate. Not married, not dating, not financially sound. Why, oh why, does my brain think I need a baby? Grrrr... I'm not a rash decision maker, so it's not like I'm going to go out and have a baby just to have one. I'm not stupid. But I wish the damn clock had a snooze button. In the meantime, I guess I'll just continue raising my cats and treating them like children. (Not like they give me any other choice. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled.) Now, if only I could dress them up. Then I'd really have it all.
Until my next whim of insanity strikes,
I remain faithfully yours
---Alamo
Thursday, March 8, 2012
If I had a million dollars
Apple apparently either knows me too well, or doesn't know me at all. The reason I say this is that they recently sent me about half a dozen e-mails about the new iPad 3... Which on the one hand, yes, I'm sure, is super-dandy and swell and all that jazz, but on the other hand, I can't afford whatsoever. They'd know that if they knew a damn thing about me. So, if I had a bunch of disposable income, sure, I'd probably buy one. But, I don't. So there's that. But that got me thinking about if I DID have a bunch of disposable income... What WOULD I do with it. So, for lack of anything better to fantasize about, I thought of what I'd do if I did, in fact, have a million dollars.
First off, I'd pay off all my debts. I don't have a lot of it accumulated. I have some old school loans and the like, but nothing ridiculous, really. So I'd get that taken care of.
Second, I'd pay off my parents' mortgage. It only seems fair to throw them an extra fifty grand on top of that, seeing as they raised me, and whatnot.
Third, I'd buy a house. Nothing extravagant, just a decent 3 bedroom with lots of windows and in a decent neighborhood. Depending on where I decide to settle, this could be here in the midwest, or maybe someplace on my dream list, like Seattle. (Mmmm Seattle. I have dreams about Seattle.) Then, I'd fill the house with furniture and bookshelves and books, books, books. I love books. (Have I mentioned that?) I'll never buy a Kindle or the like because I'd miss the feeling of a book in my hand. It's one of the things I'm old fashioned about. I love the way they feel, smell, and sound. (That first crack in the spine of a hardcover book? Oh, god, it's heaven.) I'd also probably buy some gaming systems and other et ceteras. Some dvds, some picture frames, maybe an arcade game (Who doesn't want a pacman game in their game room?)
Fourth, I'd travel. I'd get my cats a full-time babysitter (surely someone would agree to that) and go see the world. One of my more ambitious goals is to set foot on every continent in my lifetime. Going with my million dollars might make THAT a bit difficult, but backpacking Europe and Asia is certainly attainable.
Lastly, I'd put the rest in a retirement fund and go back to work. I'm not naive enough to think I can live on a million for the rest of my life, but it can get me through my twenties, probably. So I'd buy a good car and stock up on groceries and re-enter the workforce ready to go.
So maybe I'm boring. I don't want an evil lair, or a death-ray, a clone army or fifty thousand comic books in weather-proof sleeves. I just want some stability, some reliable transportation, and some life experience. I don't think that's out of my reach.
The real trick is, how do I make all of that happen without stumbling upon a cool million?
I suppose we'll just have to see....
---Alamo
First off, I'd pay off all my debts. I don't have a lot of it accumulated. I have some old school loans and the like, but nothing ridiculous, really. So I'd get that taken care of.
Second, I'd pay off my parents' mortgage. It only seems fair to throw them an extra fifty grand on top of that, seeing as they raised me, and whatnot.
Third, I'd buy a house. Nothing extravagant, just a decent 3 bedroom with lots of windows and in a decent neighborhood. Depending on where I decide to settle, this could be here in the midwest, or maybe someplace on my dream list, like Seattle. (Mmmm Seattle. I have dreams about Seattle.) Then, I'd fill the house with furniture and bookshelves and books, books, books. I love books. (Have I mentioned that?) I'll never buy a Kindle or the like because I'd miss the feeling of a book in my hand. It's one of the things I'm old fashioned about. I love the way they feel, smell, and sound. (That first crack in the spine of a hardcover book? Oh, god, it's heaven.) I'd also probably buy some gaming systems and other et ceteras. Some dvds, some picture frames, maybe an arcade game (Who doesn't want a pacman game in their game room?)
Fourth, I'd travel. I'd get my cats a full-time babysitter (surely someone would agree to that) and go see the world. One of my more ambitious goals is to set foot on every continent in my lifetime. Going with my million dollars might make THAT a bit difficult, but backpacking Europe and Asia is certainly attainable.
Lastly, I'd put the rest in a retirement fund and go back to work. I'm not naive enough to think I can live on a million for the rest of my life, but it can get me through my twenties, probably. So I'd buy a good car and stock up on groceries and re-enter the workforce ready to go.
So maybe I'm boring. I don't want an evil lair, or a death-ray, a clone army or fifty thousand comic books in weather-proof sleeves. I just want some stability, some reliable transportation, and some life experience. I don't think that's out of my reach.
The real trick is, how do I make all of that happen without stumbling upon a cool million?
I suppose we'll just have to see....
---Alamo
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